Twenty-Twenty One

“F*** 2020”

“This year has been the absolute worst”

“I can’t wait for this year to end”

You’ve probably heard (or said) these all at some point this year. It seems like 2020 has been the epitome of every large, life-changing event hitting everyone all at once. With our everyday hustle coming to a halt, it forced everyone to do a little self reflection. Looking back on my 2020 vision blog post, I definitely had no idea how this year would actually pan out…it turned out to be a lot better than I could’ve ever hoped for.

  • My 2020 goals were as follows:
    • Acceptance to RewardStyle – COMPLETED
    • Publish 40 blog posts – COMPLETED
    • Post 200 photos to Instagram – 42% of that number
    • Get a brand deal/collaboration – COMPLETED
    • Double Instagram followers – almost!
    • Attend a local blogger event – COMPLETED
    • Make money off of blogging – COMPLETED
    • Work on positive self talk – getting better at this!
    • Create healthy relationships – made some major growth in this area! (my Jack)
    • Have the best second semester everrr – lmao … not even going to address this
    • Make some $$$$ – COMPLETED (loved those unemployment checks)
    • Love with my whole heart – every day (never can truly complete this)
    • Donate some clothes/shoes – COMPLETED
    • Read and listen more – ahhhh I’m still awful at making time for reading and listening

Looking back at these goals, while I accomplished a lot on the list, the parts of 2020 that I reminisce most on are not the stereotypical “accomplishments” on the list above. My 2020 was defined by one word…growth.

Now, this growth didn’t start on January 1st. Honestly, January to March were some of the lowest points in my life. I resorted to worldly things and didn’t love myself enough to truly enjoy life. I was so caught up in to-do lists and validation that I wasn’t enjoying life. While Covid was in no way a blessing, it allowed the time for me to experience growth into a new chapter of my life.

In the period of silence, when most of my time was spent alone with myself, I allowed for grace to come in. When grace entered my life, I found myself feeling loved and loving others like I never had before.

Going into 2021, my goals are much more broad and focused on virtues/terms instead of a to-do list (even though each of these virtues have their “to-do” items to get me there).

Goal #1: Redamancy

In 2021, I want to love those who love me in complete fullness. I struggle sometimes with showing my love in the proper way. In 2021, I want to focus on redamancy so that I can truly experience love and loving to its fullest extent. If 2020 taught me anything, it’s that love is far more important than worldly validation.

In order to accomplish this, I want to focus on therapy, journaling and reading the Bible. Through showing love to myself, I can begin to show an even greater love to others than I have been able to currently. My journaling will become a daily series on my blog – stay tuned.

Goal #2: Philocalist

In 2021, I want to appreciate the beauty in everything. I especially want to appreciate the beauty in moments. Looking back on 2020, the times I felt most alive were the moments in which I appreciated what I was experiencing – not like I have previously where I would be so anxious about the past/future that I could not ground myself in the present.

In order to accomplish this, I am going to create a memory jar. Every time I experience a simply beautiful moment (95% are going to be moments with my love – Jack 🙂 ), I’m going to put a slip of paper with a small explanation of the event. At the end of the year, I will be able to look back at all the moments I have appreciated and experienced in complete fullness.

When looking at the 2021 vision board I created, these two goals are incredibly apparent in the images. Many of the images are capturing simple moments and lapses of beauty and love. This leads me to my third goal…

Goal #3: Spontaneity

When I was grocery shopping with Jack (he really is my biggest inspiration for any personal development) the other day, I was getting frustrated because I had not made a list ahead of time. In a conversation we had in the car about my frustration, he mentioned that he enjoyed being spontaneous. While list making has been my personality forever, it is a product of my high functioning anxiety.

In 2021, I would like to be more spontaneous. I would like to be more spontaneous with photo taking (not being so obsessed about looking perfect but instead capturing a moment where I feel so alive). I would like to be more spontaneous in every day life tasks (life is way too short to get frustrated while grocery shopping). I hope that this spontaneity will bring around many moments that wouldn’t have occurred otherwise, and lead to more growth than I would’ve experience without those moments.

Here’s to my 20th fresh start…

With Love, Marin

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